Numb
by LadyStandish
Summary: Ezra is a ten year old boy with Vin Tanner being his father, this came from a challege on March 6, 2004


"NUMB"  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the guys; I don't make money from them, either. This is just for fun, and to get my kicks on Fanfiction.  
  
Author Notes: This fanfiction is written from a sort of realistic time in my life and most of the events in Little Ezra's dreams, really happened. On December 22nd my mother passed away suddenly, I drove home to Virginia from Oklahoma for Christmas on the 17th and got to spend 4 days with my mother, I walked in my mothers house Monday from being at my sister's house most of the day to find my mother had passed away lying on her bed, but what hurt the most about that moment was that I brought my 10 year old niece to my mothers with me to stay the night, I didn't mean to flip out in front of my niece but I couldn't get control of myself, I just kept screaming at my mother to wake up, I guess the louder I screamed the more that I thought that my mother would wake up and tell me to shut up. Allie (my niece) was shaken up by the actions that were going on around her and I feared that this would be something that the child would never forget. I know personally that this was a time in my life that I will never forget, no matter how hard I close my eyes and think of something else, I still see my mother lying on the bed as if she was asleep. I have many times wondered of what Allie was seeing once she closes her eyes and drifts off into dreamland.  
  
THANKS: I want to say thanks to Karen (The Bad Element) for the beta on my story, thanks Karen, you truly are the only person that can make sense of my writing messes.  
  
NOTES: This AU or story line is open to anyone to add additional stories to.  
  
"NUMB"  
  
Vin Tanner rushed down the hallway toward his adoptive son's bedroom. He had been dreaming of the new secretary when he was awoken by the little boy's screams. He pushed open the bedroom door and looked to the twin size bed that the ten-year-old boy slept in, the covers were in a mess, tangled around the small child. The Texan rushed to the side of the bed and gently shook Ezra's shoulder, trying to wake him up without scaring him anymore than he already was.  
  
"Ezra, come on buddy wake up now, it is just a dream." Vin spoke with a soft voice. The child jumped back as he woke up, fear written clearly across his face as he tried to make his body even with the headboard of the bed. Ezra looked at the person that woke him up and allowed his father's features to come into focus. He could feel the sweat drip from his face as he felt ashamed of himself all of a sudden. He hated for his father to see him in this state of being.  
  
Vin pushed the strands of sweat soaked brown hair from the child's face. He hated to see his son like this, the nightmares seem to be getting worse as the days went by, he didn't know how to stop the nightmares, only wishing that he could. Vin sat next to the boy; he placed his arm around the kid's shoulders letting him know that he was there to comfort him.  
  
"You want to talk about it pal?" "No sir, I only wish to just go back to sleep, if that is alright with you dad?" "Sure thing pal, I will be down the hall though if you need me okay?" "Thank you, sir" came the simple answer from Ezra.  
  
Vin stood up and watched as Ezra lay back down on his pillow and turned away from him and faced the wall. Vin stood at the doorway watching his son through the glow of the football nightlight. He thought they had come a long way since he had adopted Ezra when the boy was only five years old. Now after many nights of the nightmares, Vin knew they still had a long road ahead of them to cover. The Texan stood at the doorway only minutes more before going back into his room, he laid on the king size bed, staring at the ceiling wondering how he could help Ezra with his dreams.  
  
Vin Tanner pulled the blue long sleeve shirt over his head and quickly checked himself in the mirror before leaving his bedroom. He knew Ezra was awake. He had heard when the shower had come on. Vin was always amazed at how independent his boy was. He thought back to his own childhood, remembering how hard his mama had struggled to put food on the table. But he had a good job and was determined that Ezra would have a better life. Vin Tanner gave his son every thing in the world possible, the kinds of clothes that were in style at any given time of the year, the best brands that he could afford, the best toys that money could offer, and the best school that Vin could get him into. He felt the need to give the kid the kind of life that he didn't have. Chris Larabee often told Vin how he spoiled the boy, but many times over Vin found Larabee spoiling him just the same. Most of all Vin Tanner gave his son, the love that he knew he needed, the comfort and security that he longed for.  
  
He made his way down the hall to Ezra's room, finding the boy already dressed and ready for school.  
  
"You ready to go buddy?" "Yes sir, I am." Ezra came out of the bedroom, he quickly ran into the living room, finding his sneakers and pulling them on his feet. He felt so tired, he just wanted to go climb back into his bed and sleep the day away nevertheless, but he wouldn't let his father know that. Ezra knew that if Vin found out how tired he felt, that he would go into mother hen mode and make him stay home from school. He didn't want to burden his father was his problems, knowing that his father needed to put all of his attention on his work.  
  
As Vin watched his son he could see a difference in the boy, where Ezra usually wore his best clothes to school, he had on his baggie carpenter jeans and his blue and white long sleeve Tommy shirt. Vin also noticed Ezra's eyes, they looked so tired.  
  
"Ezra, you feeling okay, do you need me to call Nathan?" "No, sir I'm fine, just ready to go to school." Ezra said opening the door to the house and walking onto the porch to wait for his father. He wanted air; no he needed air he thought as he filled his lungs with the fresh air that blew outside around him.  
  
"Damn" Vin swore under his breath as he watched Ezra run out the door, getting away from him and his questions. Vin grabbed his keys from the small table beside the door before walking out on to the porch and shutting the door behind him. The sharpshooter was glad that it was finally Friday and Ezra had the weekend to rest up, they would be going to Chris Larabee's ranch for the weekend and Vin knew how Ezra had looked forward to it all week. Vin only hoped that the day at the ranch might ease his son's mind in some way.  
  
The A.T.F. agent dropped his son off at school and watched as he walked into the building before leaving the parking lot and driving to work. Ezra on his mind, Vin couldn't think of nothing else. It had taken Ezra two years to stop calling him 'Mr.Tanner' and start calling him 'Dad'. It was at that time Vin was certain that they were making headway. Ezra had even allowed his father to comfort him when he needed it, he had allowed his father's co-workers into his life and accepted them.  
  
When Vin arrived at the A.T.F. building, he pulled his car into his assigned parking spot. He reached into the back seat to retrieve his briefcase. As he exited his car and shut the door, he set the alarm system, and headed for his office. Using the elevator, he stepped out onto the 7th floor of the building and walked straight to his desk. After setting his briefcase down, he headed for the break room for a strong cup of coffee. After he poured himself a cup, he stood there for a minute thinking about his boy. He was so deep in thought that he didn't hear his boss walk into the room.  
  
"Long night cowboy?" Larabee asked his sharpshooter. "Yeah sort of, Ez had another one of those nightmares." "Why don't you come in to my office and tell me about it over a cup of coffee?" Larabee asked as he turned around and walked back into his office.  
  
"How long has he been having these nightmares now?" "Too long, but reality just a couple of weeks now. Dammitt Chris I don't know what to do, I want to take the nightmares away and help Ezra through this, but I can't get him to talk about them to me." The sharpshooter said has he sat down in the large chair that sat in front of Larabee's desk.  
  
The blonde A.T.F. agent sat down on the edge of the desk and looked to his friend, he could tell that the nights were getting longer just by looking into Vin's eyes. In those eyes he could see all the sleepless nights that he had been enduring. Larabee ran his finger around the top of the coffee mug before taking a drink of the hot liquid.  
  
Chris liked Ezra; the child had come along way in Larabee's book. He remembered when the boy would shy away from them all and hide behind Tanner's legs. The blonde man could remember when Ezra would talk so proper like to all the men, using words far above his peers, and now after years of being around them, he was beginning to sound almost normal, whatever that might be.  
  
"Why don't you talk to Nathan about it Vin, maybe he knows a good doctor that you could take him to." "You mean a physiatrist?" "Yes, that is what I mean. The right one can help Ezra work through whatever it is bothering him. The boy needs to talk to somebody before he snaps." "Yeah, okay let me think on it." Vin Tanner said before getting up and leaving the office.  
  
The sharpshooter walked to his desk and slid into his chair, he placed his head into his hands, this was tearing him apart at the seams and he didn't know how to stop it. He wanted to help his son and wanted the nightmares to leave him, if only he himself could take them on instead of the child having them he would. But that wasn't the way life worked. You had to deal with what you were given. Tanner knew that he had his son's trust, it had taken him many years to get it, but he knew he had it now. The sharpshooter didn't want to break that trust with the boy; he feared that if he took the child to a physiatrist, it would alter that trust some way.  
  
"Damn, these dreams all to hell." Tanner spoke silently to himself as he raised his head up to see Nathan standing in front of him, staring at him like he had grew two heads or something.  
  
"You feeling okay Vin?" "Yeah, why?" "I don't know, just was passing by and it looked as if you had a headache with your head in your hands like that, is everything okay?" "Yes!" Tanner snapped as he rose from his chair making the chair fly back against the wall. Tanner fled from the room, he had to get away from the questions the paramedic was throwing him, he had to get air, he was starting to feel as if he was trapped in a small box.  
  
The four other men in the room watched as the sharpshooter left the office, they all seen the tension written clearly across his face. Each man with his own thoughts to what it was, but none knowing the real reason.  
  
"I'll go, I think I said something to set him off." Nathan spoke as he went to go after Vin. "No, Nate" Chris said stopping Nathan from running after the sharpshooter. "You didn't say anything, I'll go you stay here and you guys, get to work on those reports that I need and I'll explain later what is going on with Tanner." Larabee stated as he walked out the door.  
  
Chris Larabee caught up with his sharpshooter in the parking garage next to his suburban; Vin leaned against the vehicle with his head against the glass.  
  
"What the hell was that all about Tanner?" "Don't Chris, not right now." "No, right now Vin, Nathan was just worried about you and you bit his freaking head off, like it was nothing." "You don't understand how this all makes me feel, I can't get my mind off of that boy of mine and I feel so helpless." Vin said while hitting the roof of the dark blue suburban. "I'm one person to know what you are feeling, how do you think I felt when Adam died and I couldn't prevent that from happening? You tell me that." Chris said placing his hand on Tanner's shoulder and turning him around to face the blonde. "I said not right now!" Vin growled "You listen to me here now Tanner, Don't you think I would have helped my son if given half the chance to, no matter what it took. At least you have a chance to help your son?" The vein in Chris' forehead started to swell up, the sharpshooter knew without a doubt that the blonde man was mad. "Reckon you would, but Chris." "Don't, but Chris, me Vin, you do whatever it takes toget that boy some help. I think you need to talk to Nathan, he may be able to help you." The blonde said walking pacing in front of the sharpshooter. "I reckon I have some explaining to do to Nate uh?" Vin said raising his head to look at Chris. "Reckon so." "Then come on cowboy there's no time like the present." Vin said as he walked past Chris. Larabee shook his head; it was just like Vin to end an argument just like it never happened.  
  
"Hey buddy, how was school today?" "Fine." "You doing okay?" "Yes sir, I'm just ready to go home." Ezra stated has he buckled his seat beat. "I have to stop by Nathan's house first, then we will be on our way." Vin stated has he pulled out of the school's parking lot.  
  
Ezra looked out the window at the passing traffic, wondering why they were going to Nathan's house. It wasn't every day that they went to the paramedic's house. Ezra and his father went to Chris Larabee's house on the weekends but never Nathan's house.  
  
"Dad?" "Yeah buddy?" "Why are we going to Uncle Nathan's?" "Ezra, I am worried about you and those nightmares that you keep having, I know that you haven't been getting much sleep at night and it ain't good for you. So I wanted to talk to Nathan about it."  
  
Ezra felt betrayed, how could his father talk to someone else about the trouble he was having sleeping. He didn't want anyone to know because he thought that it made him look weak, and one thing Ezra didn't want to look was weak. One thing his mother taught him before she died was to never let anyone see how weak you could be, and he had always remembered her words and carried them with him. He couldn't talk about his nightmares; they were always the same dream. He had forgotten a time in his life and it was now coming back to haunt him, he just wanted to forget that certain time once again. Ezra loved his Father very much and didn't want to burden him with his problems, he was a big boy now and he could take care of himself.  
  
"Why did you tell Uncle Nathan, does anyone else know Dad?"  
  
"I told your Uncle Chris about them, Ezra I know you feel cheated that I told the guys, but you have to understand, I want to help you, I want to see that happy little boy that I seen only weeks ago." "But you still didn't have to tell them you know."  
  
"What do you want me to do buddy, just let you live with this on your own?"  
  
"I was doing fine living with it."  
  
"No you wasn't Ez, not getting sleep is hurting you and hurting your body. I won't let that happen, not as long as I am your father. Why won't you let me help you?"  
  
Ezra cut the conversation short when he slung his head against the headrest of the SUV and closed his eyes; he was so mad at his father right now and couldn't look at him any longer. He just knew that his Uncles were going to look at him different.  
  
Vin knew that it was going to be a long drive to Nathan's house, they were stuck in a traffic jam and Ezra stopped talking to him. The sharpshooter watched as his son started to drift off to sleep, he knew that the boy needed the sleep so he didn't bother to try and talk to him any more, he would wait until they were at the paramedic's house.  
  
Ezra walked through the door with his aunt; the lights were on through out the house, the small radio sitting on the counter in the kitchen played music at a normal volume. Clothes from the laundry basket sat across the table, freshly folded. He looked around the kitchen, food sat out on the stove and looked as though it was sitting there waiting to be put on the table and eaten. Ezra followed his aunt into the bedroom of his grandmother, the nightstand light shined brightly and he saw his grandmother lying on the bed asleep, she looked so peaceful when she slept he thought. Ezra watched as his aunt walked over to his grandmother and called her name out to wake her up. He watched as his aunt called her name again and then shook her shoulder trying to wake her up. Ezra sense the fear in his aunt's voice as she yelled louder at his grandmother, he wanted to know why she was screaming at the elder woman to wake up, why not just let the woman sleep if she was that tired he wondered. All of sudden things started to happen so fast, his aunt turned to him and yelled at him to go across the street to the neighbor's house and have them to call 911. He ran back to the front door of the house and quickly put his boots back on and opened the door, running out of the house to the one across the street. He was knocking on the door, his knock must have not be a loud one because he knocked again much harder and finally the pretty lady with the long jet black silky hair came to the door and greeted him nicely. He was telling the woman to call 911 that his aunt couldn't get his grandmother to wake up and she told him to run to her house. Ezra watched as the nice lady shouted to her husband to get off the phone because she had to call 911. He took off running back out the door; he wanted to get back to his aunt. Ezra run through the door of his grandmother's house, he heard his aunt screaming for his grandmother to please wake up. He ran into the bedroom and when he entered the room, he saw his aunt pushing his grandmother up to where they both could see her face, his grandmother's lips were blue and he let out a gasp of air. His aunt turned around and gently put his grandmother back in the spot she was and quickly ran to him and took him into an embrace. She asked him to leave the room for a moment and he did, he went through the house and picked up the baby kitten that was climbing up on the couch, he walked with the kitten into the extra bedroom that was right off from the living room. Ezra watched as the lady he had just spoken to come through the front door with her husband, they ran into his grandmother's bedroom and made his aunt leave the room. Ezra watched as his aunt came running to him and told him to get his jacket on, they were going out on the porch of the small house. He quickly did what he was told and allowed his aunt to lead him and the kitten outside and his aunt once again pulled him into an embrace and held him close to her chest, tears flowed freely down her cheeks. Ezra heard his aunt call someone as she held him close to her, he heard her say that she couldn't wake his grandmother up and she couldn't stay on the phone because her cell phone was going dead but please hurry and get there. Then all of a sudden he saw flashing blue and red lights line the street and paramedics and police officers run into the house like they hadn't even noticed the two sitting there. Ezra watched has another neighbor came on the porch of the small house, talking with his aunt and then taking him by the hand and leaving his aunt behind as he went with the woman to her house. When he had made it inside the woman's house he ran to the window and watched his aunt walk out in the drive way as she lit a cigarette and walked around in circles. He wanted to know what was going on and why his grandmother wouldn't wake up, why his aunt was acting like a crazy woman, and why was there police officers running around his grandmother's house like they owned the place, he just wanted someone to tell him what was going on around him.  
  
Ezra started to turn his head from side to side, he was whimpering something that Vin couldn't quiet make out. The sharpshooter reached across the seat, but waited for a second, Ezra's voice started to clear up.  
  
"Please grandmother wake up, you are scaring me."  
  
Vin tried to figure out why he was asking for his grandmother to wake up, he didn't even know that Ezra knew of his grandparents. The Texan gently grabbed onto the boy's shoulder and gave it a little shake.  
  
"Ez, hey wake up son" "What...what?" "You were dreaming again buddy, you okay?" "Yes sir, I'm sorry I didn't mean to cause you concern." Vin looked at his son, he wanted to take him into his arms and hug him close, to let him know that nothing was his fault that he was safe with him, but the dang traffic kept him from doing just that.  
  
"No, Ezra, you shouldn't be sorry for something that you can't help." Vin answered softly.  
  
Ezra straightened up in the seat, he looked out the window and saw that they were almost to Nathan's street. He was sort of glad that they were almost there, but he dreaded the talk that he knew they were going to have once there.  
  
Vin couldn't believe what he had heard his son say to him; he didn't want Ezra to blame himself for the nightmares. The sharpshooter knew without a doubt that he and Ezra both had a lot of work in front of them. Vin wanted to take on the role of helping his son on this one not send him to a physiatrist.  
  
Vin pulled the SUV into the driveway and put the vehicle in park. He looked over to his son and gave him comfort by putting his hand on the boy's shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze. He wasn't ready to talk to Nathan about his son and a possibility of seeking out a doctor. What he truly wanted to do was take his son home and hold him close to his chest, not letting the outside world or the dream world get to him.  
  
"Come on pal, we gotta do this, it is for the best." Vin said opening up the door and stepping out of the vehicle. Ezra followed his father up the walk to Nathan's front door; he stood next to his father and waited while Vin rang the doorbell.  
  
"Hey Vin, hi Ezra, come on in and have a seat." "Hello Uncle Nathan." Ezra said as he walked pass the black man and found a seat on the couch.  
  
Nathan gave a look of concern to the sharpshooter as he passed him through the threshold of the house. Nathan worried about all of his friends, but his worry went into overtime with the small child that had come into their lives only five years before. The paramedic had tried to help the child out when he first came to Tanner, but Ezra would back away from him insisting that he was fine, Nathan knew different though. Now after five years Ezra had come to trust Nathan, coming to him if he got hurt while playing or if he had something on his mind that he wanted to talk about, Nathan couldn't help but wonder why Ezra hadn't came to him with his nightmares.  
  
"Rain, working tonight Nate?" "Yeah, she is pulling in a double shift at the hospital, I'll see her in the morning." Nathan spoke as he sat down in the oversize easy chair.  
  
"How are you doing Ezra? Your dad here, says that you are having some trouble sleeping at night, that right?"  
  
"Yes sir, but it is nothing big" came the reply from the small boy sitting on the oversized couch.  
  
Vin knew that would be the answer from the little boy, he hated how Ezra didn't want anyone to help him.  
  
"Well I think different Ezra, you want to talk to me about it, maybe me and you can go in the den, just the two of us?" "Sure" Ezra said as he got up and made his way into the den with his head hung down, he knew that Nathan would soon be behind him.  
  
"You can watch t.v. Vin, I will try to talk to the boy." Nathan said as he stood to follow the little boy.  
  
Vin grabbed the remote to the t.v. from the coffee table that sat in front of the couch, he turned the power on and started to flip through the channels, he knew that it would be useless trying to hear what his son and friend were talking about, the den was on the other side of the house. Vin wanted to ease drop on the two, but then thought better of it. He didn't want Ezra to find him listening and then not trust him, it hadn't taken so long for Vin to earn that trust and he was not going to break it, but then again he wanted to know what was going on with his boy.  
  
"Ez, you want to talk to me about those dreams of yours?" "Uncle Nathan, it is nothing major I promise you." "Please Ezra, your father is very worried about you."  
  
Ezra took a deep breath, "I don't know where to start Uncle Nathan." "From the beginning would be the best." Nathan spoke with a soft voice as to let the boy know he was only there to listen and not to judge.  
  
"I was with my aunt. Mother always left me with one of my aunts or uncles unless she needed me. Anyways, I was with my aunt and one night we arrived at my grandmother's house to find she had passed away lying on her bed"  
  
Nathan listened to every single word that left the boy's mouth, wanting to grab him and hold him close to calm his fears and to give the boy comfort. The paramedic couldn't believe what Ezra had been through before he came into the life of Vin Tanner.  
  
Vin couldn't control himself, he had to listen in on the conversation going on between his friend and son, and he had to have a clue on how to help the boy. So like any other protective father would, he made his way to stand just beside the door of the den. He heard Ezra talking; he hadn't heard the paramedic say a word since he came to stand there. Vin stood there not being able to make one move, he heard what Ezra said about his grandmother, he listened as Ezra went through all the details of the night. Now he knew why he had heard Ezra asking for his grandmother to wake up. The sharpshooter listened to his son's voice as he relived the entire night and started to cry, he wanted to go in to the room and grab his son and dry all of his tears, but he knew that then if he done that, his son would know he had been listening to him. Vin listened as Nathan tried to calm the little boy down and dry his tears, he heard Nathan speak softly to his son.  
  
Vin heard their conversation come to an end and he quickly made his way back into the living room, returning to his seat. He watched as Ezra came to him and sat down, snuggling closer to him as if he was trying to hide from something. The sharpshooter looked to Nathan and saw the concern written clearly across his face.  
  
"Ez, why don't you go and feed the cat for me, I haven't fed the little thing since I got home this afternoon."  
  
Ezra quickly jumped up and took off toward the kitchen; he loved animals and wanted to see the cat. He also knew that his Uncle wanted to talk to his father and so he didn't mind leaving the room. Nathan and Vin watched Ezra leave the room in search for the cat. Nathan turned his attention to his co-worker and friend. He couldn't help but notice the worried look on his face.  
  
"I knew you were standing there." "I figured as much. Geez, Nathan I had no idea what Ezra had been through, what do I do?" "He really does need to see a physicist Vin. That boy in there has already blocked out so much in his life. He needs to bring it out in the open and then, and only then, I think he might be on his way to a life without those dreams."  
  
"Geez, Nathan it hurts to see him like this, I mean I feel powerless here to help my son. So powerless that I have to get a doctor to do the helping for me, is this right?"  
  
"Vin, you are not trained in situations like this, a physicist is." "Trained? Nathan tell me, who is trained in how to be a good father?" "Is that, what you, are worried about Vin, being a good father?" Nathan said walking around to the back of the couch to stand, making Vin look behind him. "You, are worried about letting that boy in there down?" Nathan said pointing toward the kitchen where Ezra went.  
  
"Yes, Nathan, I want my boy to look at me and see someone he can trust. Someone he can depend on. I want him to know that I'm here for him, good times and bad." "Vin, can't you see that you are already Ezra's hero. But there are some things that you just can't control, and this here is one of those things that you need to let someone else help you on. Let your pride go and help him." "Let my pride go?" Vin said louder the he meant to, as he stood to face Nathan. "How can you say that? I only want to help him, but I just don't know how. Can you tell me how to make those dreams go away?" "Vin, don't get upset, Ezra doesn't need to hear that right now, tomorrow morning we'll call a very good doctor for him." Nathan said coming to stand in front of his friend.  
  
"Yeah, okay, I guess we better leave, don't want to ruin your Friday night Nate, thanks okay, I really appreciate your help." Vin said before going into the kitchen to get Ezra.  
  
The paramedic watched as his friend and nephew left, he knew that Ezra had a lot of build up emotions that he needed to deal with; he also knew that the sharpshooter had his own emotions that needed dealt with.  
  
Vin pulled off his jean jacket and hung it on the coat rack as he entered the house. He laid his keys on the small table beside the door and walked into the kitchen while pushing his sleeves up. His mind on the conversation he had with Nathan, he knew that the paramedic was right about everything, but he wasn't ready to face the truth just yet. He wanted to be the one to help his son, not some stranger. "You got much homework?" Vin asked his son as Ezra made his way into the kitchen. Vin took out the juice and poured his son a small glass of the orange liquid before putting the carton back in the refrigerator. "No sir, it is the weekend, we don't have homework on weekends." Ezra sat up on the stool and leaned his elbows on the counter, staring in his glass of orange juice he wondered if he did the right thing by talking to Nathan. The boy could sense that his father had other things on his mind, because his father knew they never had homework on the weekends.  
  
"You know Ezra, we need to go food shopping, these cabinets are almost bare." Vin spoke while looking in the cabinets to find much of nothing to cook for supper. He shut the cabinet doors and walked over to the refrigerator opening the door. The sharpshooter scanned the items there and then shut the door. He walked over to the counter and stood. "You wanna order a pizza?" "Sure, if that is what you would like?" "Of course I do, that means I don't have to cook tonight." Vin laughed and roused the top of Ezra's head before walking into the living room to the phone.  
  
Just about the time Vin picked up the phone to call the pizza place, the doorbell rang. The sharpshooter rolled his eyes, and placed the phone back on the hook.  
  
"Hey Buck, JD what brings you fellers out here tonight?" "Just thought we might give you some company." JD said as he walked over the threshold and into the living room of the house. "Hey where is Ez at?" "He is in the kitchen, I was getting ready to order pizza, you guys staying for dinner?" "Sure, pizza would make anyone stay." JD laughed at as he made his way into the kitchen to find Ezra.  
  
"How is Ez doing Vin?" Vin looked toward the kitchen to make sure that Ezra was out of hearing shot of the two men. "Who told you about Ezra?" Vin asked the tall dark headed agent. "Chris mentioned it to us, but we wasn't suppose to say nothing about it, but we are worried about the kid." Buck said with a concerned look on his face. "Well then, don't mention it around him, he doesn't want anyone to know about his dreams okay, we just came back from Nathan's and they had a serious conversation about it." Vin said once again grabbing the phone from the hook.  
  
Yet once again the doorbell rang, Vin slammed the phone back on the hook and looked to the ceiling, he didn't want any more company tonight, what he wanted was to take his son in the living room and watch a good movie with just the two of them. However he couldn't tell his friends that, he knew that when one was hurting all of them was hurting. And to leave a hurting friend alone was out of the question.  
  
"I'll get the door, you go ahead and call for the pizza, and maybe you should order a lot more because I think we may get more company." Buck laughed out as he went to the door. The tall man didn't realize that Vin only wanted to be alone.  
  
Josiah and Nathan came walking through the door with Chris Larabee close behind them; they stated that they were in the area with Vin knowing different. The sharpshooter knew how his friends were; sometimes they could be very overprotected and then other times they could be down right irritating.  
  
"Hey cowboy brought a movie to watch." The blonde said as he made his way into the living room and setting the movie down on top of the floor model t.v.  
  
Everyone got comfortable in different positions around the living room, ready to watch the movie that Larabee had brought for the night. Vin and Ezra shared the recliner, while Nathan, Josiah and Buck sat on the couch, JD sitting on the floor next to the couch and Chris Larabee sitting in the oversize easy chair.  
  
Vin had a protective arm around his son and watched his reactions to the scary movie that was playing on the t.v., he noticed his son flinch every time a scary part came on the screen. Ezra had always like scary movies so the sharpshooter couldn't understand what was wrong with this one.  
  
Pizza boxes were scattered across the coffee table right next to Buck's feet. Vin looked around the room at his friends, all of their eyes were on the movie that was playing, and none had noticed how scared Ezra was of the movie.  
  
"You okay buddy?" Vin whispered to his son. Ezra looked up into his father blue eyes and snuggled closer to his chest, he knew that he was too big to be acting like a baby, but he just wanted to feel closer to his dad at this point in time.  
  
"Yes sir, I'm okay here with you." Vin knew just what Ezra was trying to get across to him, that was the reason it hurt him so bad to feel like he couldn't help Ezra when he needed him the most. Vin knew that the talk Ezra and Nathan had earlier had taken a lot out of the kid and he was starting to show it, his eyes lids looked as if they were getting heavy and he would fall asleep at any given minute. The sharpshooter caught Chris watching them from his chair and he just grinned at the blonde man.  
  
Chris couldn't lie to anyone when he said that he wasn't envious of the sharpshooter, because he was. Vin had been given the chance to raise Ezra into the young man that he was now and Larabee ached for that chance with his own son. He didn't resent the sharpshooter for it, because Vin of all people deserved a son like Ezra. Chris watched the two out of the corner of his eye, the recliner was laid back and Ezra had his legs over top of Tanner's. Tanner had his arm around the boy's shoulder and the child was snuggled close into his father's chest. Tanner caught the blonde staring at them and a grin came across his face, the sharpshooter knew just what he had in his life and he wouldn't take one day of it for granted.  
  
As the movie came to an end, each man looking at each other, each hating to leave the house and leave the boy.  
  
"JD was the first to move. "We meeting at the ranch tomorrow?" JD asked as he stood and pulled his jacket on. "Yeah, that is the plans I reckon." Larabee said not getting up from his chair. "Okay, come on Kid let's get home." Buck said grabbing JD by the neck and leading him out the door. "See you guys tomorrow." "Okay, I am gonna get home and clean up the mess I made before Rain gets there and flips out." Nathan said grabbing his jacket and throwing it on, before waving to everyone and walking out the door behind Buck and JD.  
  
Josiah and Chris decided to stay the night. Tanner tucked his son into bed and walked to the bedroom door, he turned around and saw Ezra had pulled the blanket up close around his head. Vin made sure that the nightlight was on before leaving the room and walking back out into the living room.  
  
"Good kid" Larabee said handing Tanner a cold bottle of beer "Yeah, I think I have a keeper there." Tanner grinned at his friends. "You look tired Vin, that boy in there don't look much better." Josiah said then took a long drink of his beer. "I'm wore out and I know Ezra is, I don't think either one of us can take much more of this losing sleep." Vin said lying his head back against the soft chair. The sharpshooter closed his eyes and images of his son came to his mind, the image of Ezra waking up after a nightmare, the image of his son coming out of the room where he had the talk with Nathan, and the image of the small child sitting in the recliner with him only moments before.  
  
"It took so much out of him this afternoon to tell Nathan about his nightmares. Did you know he saw his grandmother dead. That is enough for a older child to have nightmares, but as young age he was I can only start to know what the kid was going through." Vin said looking at his friends. "I thought I knew everything there was to know about that boy in there." Vin said pointing toward Ezra's room. "But I guess I was wrong, I don't know too much." The sharpshooter stated he looked down at the bottle that he held in his hands.  
  
"You know what kind of person he is, you know what he likes to eat, you also know that he tries for perfection in his school work, just because you didn't know about this doesn't make you a bad father Vin, you are only human and still after five years of being together, you both are still learning more about each other everyday." Josiah said. "You know a whole lot about the boy and it is stuff that matters to you both."  
  
"Yeah well, I am going to check in on him then hit the bed myself, Chris grab you a blanket from the hall closet." The sharpshooter said getting up and taking his beer bottle into the kitchen to ditch it in the trash. "Thanks boys for staying the night." Vin said before walking out of the living room and down the hall.  
  
Vin leaned against the doorframe of his son's bedroom. He watched the rise and fall of Ezra's chest letting the man know that he was in a deep peaceful sleep for the time being. Pushing away from the doorframe, Tanner walked on into the room and pulled the blanket up around his son, he placed a comforting hand on the boy's head. Vin bent down and placed a kiss on Ezra's forehead. "I love ya buddy." Then Vin left the room and went into his own bedroom. He took off his shirt then threw it across the room to land in the chair and ran his hand across his chest; the day was finally ended and knew now that the night was just starting. Vin walked into his bathroom and grabbed his pajama pants from the floor, he slid out of his wore out jeans and threw them on the floor, then put on his pajama pants. He went to the sink and turned on the cold water, splashed the cold liquid on his face and rubbed at his eyes. Vin looked at the face in the mirror that stared back at him, black circles around his eyes Tanner knew that calling the doctor just might help both of them.  
  
Larabee and Tanner hit the hallway at the same time, fighting to get in the child's room when his screams had woke them both. They pushed themselves through the door and both landed on the floor next to the bed where Ezra tossed and turned, the blankets wrapped tightly around his legs.  
  
"Damn these freaking dreams!" Vin yelled out not being able to take much more of seeing his son like this. "Come on buddy, wake up it is just a dream, you are with me and Chris." Vin talked softly to his son.  
  
Chris stood up and walked to the door of the bedroom, he watched the scene unfold in front of him, he felt Josiah come up to stand just behind him, the tall man watching also. Larabee and Sanchez both getting a taste of what the father and son went through every single night. Now both men knew why the sharpshooter felt helpless in helping his son.  
  
"Dad?" "That's right son, wake up, you are only dreaming." Tanner sat on the bed now next to his son; he wiped away the tears from the boy's face. The sharpshooter wished that he could wipe away all the tears that the young child had cried in his years, but he knew that was impossible.  
  
Ezra caught site of his two uncles standing in the door way and he hated the looks on their face, to him the looks were of shame. He turned to his father with tears in his eyes, he tried his best to hold them back but they kept threaten to show. Ezra buried his head into his father's chest and tried his best to cry silently, but all could hear his sobs.  
  
Chris looked to Josiah and both men left the doorway, walking back into the living room and finding a seat. They seen the look the child had on his face when he noticed them, a look that would forever be carved in their minds.  
  
"I feel so bad for that boy." Josiah said looking to his leader. "Yeah, I now understand a little about how Vin' been feeling, he said I didn't understand and I guess I didn't until tonight. Seeing Ezra like that tears my heart out." Larabee laid his head against the back of the couch; he closed his eyes and saw Ezra in his mind.  
  
"You okay pal? Do you need me to get you anything?" Vin asked as he rubbed his son's back. "Dad, I don't want to sound like...never mind." "No, tell me son, what's on your mind." "I don't want to sound like a big baby, but can I...can I sleep with you tonight? I will understand if you don't want me to, I know that I am a big boy..but..." Vin put a finger to his son's lips to hush him "Of course you can sleep with me. Come on let's go and get us some sleep."  
  
Vin walked in front of his son out of the bedroom, he noticed the light on in the living room and knew that his friends were still up. "Go on ahead and I will be in there in just a minute." Ezra ran into his father's room and climbed up on the king size bed, he pulled the blankets up close to his chin and he could smell the scent of his father. He loved that scent, it reminded him of security, comfort, and protection."  
  
"Guy's we are gonna sleep in my bed, he is already in there, see you guys in the morning." Tanner said standing in the hallway.  
  
"Sure, see you in the morning cowboy."  
  
Tanner walked back into his room to find his son in the middle of his bed, the sharpshooter slid in to the big bed and pulled the blanket up around him. "You want to talk about it?" "I can't see my grandmother's face any longer, but I just see a body lying on a bed, and I try to run away but my legs won'tmove." Ezra said snuggling closer to his father.  
  
"Ezra, do you think about your nightmare before you go to sleep?" "Yes sir, it is truly the only thing I can think of." "Why don't you try to think of something else, like that pretty little girl you are always with when I pick you up from school." "Dad" Vin laughed, he could tell that his son was blushing in the dark; he also knew that his son was smiling. "Think about something else son, maybe if you don't think about your nightmare before you go to sleep then it won't happen." Ezra thought about what his father said for a moment, maybe he was right maybe if he thought about something else it just might work. He knew just what he was going to think about, he was going to think about the day they spend at the ranch with the other guy's and riding the horses down by the lake a couple of months before.  
  
Larabee was the first to wake up, the morning chill growing in his bones, he looked to his shirt that laid on the back of the chair but left it lying there, he needed coffee more. He walked barefoot into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee and then walked back to the living room, taking his shirt from the chair and putting it on. He left it unbuttoned and walked back into the kitchen praying that at least one cup of coffee was done. He quickly grabbed a few mugs from the cabinet and placed them on the counter. The blonde leaned his back against the counter and waited for the coffee to be done.  
  
"Good morning cowboy, sorry about last night." Tanner said as he patted barefoot into the kitchen looking for the same coffee pot as his leader. "Is Ezra okay?" "Yeah, he's still sleeping, I'm gonna let him sleep in." Vin said leaning his back against the same counter.  
  
"Vin, I wanted to say sorry, I only thought I understood how it felt but watching that boy of yours last night told me different." "No need to apologize Larabee."  
  
Chris quickly poured each of them a cup of coffee and then poured Josiah one and left it sitting on the counter, he knew that the profiler would be awake within minutes and he was right. "Good morning fellers, get any sleep last night Vin?" "Yeah, come to think of it I did, after Ez got in the bed with me last night he didn't have another nightmare." Tanner said thinking about the night. "He didn't have another nightmare at all, never even made a move through the rest of the night."  
  
"Maybe sleeping with you helped?" Josiah asked "Maybe, but I also told him to think of something other than his dream before he went to sleep." Tanner walked to the table and sat down, with his mind on Ezra he didn't noticed anything that went on around him.  
  
"That makes sense to me." Larabee said taking a sip from the coffee mug. "If Ezra wants to talk, then why don't you ask him about his dreams last night after he got into the bed with you." The blonde suggested.  
  
"Yeah I'll do that. Well I'm gonna to get dressed so we can get out to the ranch, I know Ezra has been waiting all week to see the horses." Vin said getting up from the table and putting his coffee mug in the sink. "We'll get breakfast from McDonalds, I also need to get some shopping done this weekend. "Well at least you had coffee." Josiah laughed then took a drink from his mug.  
  
The day couldn't have been any prettier Chris Larabee thought as he sat in the old wooden rocky chair watching his friends play around and talk with each other. The blonde watched the little boy play with Buck and his father; his emerald green eyes were bright and full of happiness throughout the day.  
  
Vin Tanner came to sit on the porch steps just below his leader, he kept his eyes on the small boy that still played in the large yard with Buck and JD. "He has had a ball all day Chris, he doesn't seem tired at all." Vin spoke. "Yeah I noticed that, have you talked to him?" "Yeah on the way here we talked about last night, he said that after he got in the bed with me that he didn't have his nightmare." "Then maybe you did help your son cowboy, did you think of that?" "Yeah I did, but I am still gonna call that doctor Monday morning, I still feel as though he needs to see him, sometimes Ezra can't talk to me about certain things so he might talk to him." Vin said still keeping his eyes on his son. "Reckon so, I think the kid will be getting sleep nights now though, he's a great kid Vin." Chris said as he watched the boy being tickled by JD and laughing loudly.  
  
Vin saw a difference in his son just over one night, he hoped that after maybe a visit with the doctor that he would see the son he had only weeks before. The sharpshooter knew without a doubt that he would give his life for his son and not think twice. He wanted the kid to grow up normal, without nightmares and sadness in his life and while he was still breathing the sharpshooter would make sure of that. Vin couldn't understand how a person could love another person as much as he did his son, but now he knew what love was all about and he knew that he would show the boy the love that he needed.  
  
THE END Written By: Lady Standish  
  
Author Notes yet again  
  
This was a sort of hard story to write for me, but now that it is Written, no matter if it may be bad or good, I feel a whole lot better. It made me deal and think about my mother dieing, something I hadn't done. This is the first story that I have wrote and finished since I was home for  
  
Christmas and I want to say thanks to Karen, my beta and my best friend. She has helped me through a lot through out the 5 to 6 years that I have known her. She is a wonderful person and also a very special person. Thanks Karen, love you as if you were My big sister. LS 


End file.
